Eye Opening Experience.. warning graphic info.

Disclaimer.. I'm only posting this because I have to get the experience out of my head and onto paper so I can move on from the situation.. this is purely theraputic for me. Most of my post are lighthearted and joyous but this one maybe disturbing..

Well, Friday was definitely a interesting day for me. I am a volunteer for the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep foundation as a photographers assistant.  The foundation is such a wonderful organization that helps heal the broken hearted families through photographs after they have lost a child or if the child is not going to make it. (The photographers donate their time and the photos are totally free to the families.)  I knew it was going to be hard but I wasn't quite prepared for the magnitude of the project.  I got the call Friday that a family had lost their baby at 29 weeks gestation that morning and Kelly (the photographer) needed me to come help. This was my first shoot so I was nervous beyond imagination! I was already emotionally tied to this family because apparently they had infertility issues and to make it this far and loose the baby was more than I could imagine.  So, I get to the hospital and Kelly explains to me what is going to happen and my job is to help pose the baby and the family.  She said it would be pretty cut and dry like a formal photoshoot only this was the hardest day in the world for this family. So we get to the nurses station and find out that it was a baby boy and he had been born that morning around 830a.m.  It was now 1 pm.  We walk in and the daddy was holding the baby and it was so surreal to be apart of this families grief.  The grandmother, grandfather, aunt and the mom and dad were in the room and you could tell they were still in shock as to what just happened. I can't imagine how they must have felt as 24 hrs before that their dreams of what their little boy would look like and be when he grew up were still dancing in their minds and the joy of feeling him kick and move and then nothing?!?  I did not know that after a baby passed they still bleed from their orfaces? So, here I am just wanting nothing more than to hold the mom and grandmother as they were just distraught but I was here to do a job, help Kelly get the shots to capture the essance of this little life before us.  Kelly was fanastic with the family!  We spoke mainly in whispers as to not wake the baby.  When I saw him he looked like a baby doll that was just asleep. He only weighed 2lbs 7 oz and was 15 inches long.  The only  person I have ever been in the room with after they passed was my grandmother. This was a surreal moment for me.  So as we began the shoot, I had to position the baby and help wipe the blood from his lil nose as it bleed. I also brought tissues to the family inbetween shots as their tears just flowed.  They had a blue onsie on him when we got there that was obviously HUGE on this little guy. We got some shots with mom and dad with the onsie then Kelly and I went to a storage closet that kept gowns for situations like this.  We originally picked out a blue gown and blue hat for him but the family wanted a different color since the original shots had him in a blue onsie. So I went back to the room and got a white gown with brown trim that had a little brown cross on the front.. I brought it back to the room and the dad said, that's the one.  So as we put together the "nest" to be placed underneath the white sheet to position him, the dad very delicately changed his sons clothes and placed the gown on him.  He looked like a pro at changing his clothes.  The gown looked amazing on him.  The dad did ok until we did the shot that required the dad's ring and the mom's ring to be held by the baby.  When he took his "DAD" ring off and handed it to us, he LOST IT! It was at that time when I had to look the other way and compose myself cause I wanted nothing more than to pray over this family and just love on them!  I did pray for this family before I got there, while I was there, and even today I am praying for peace for that young family.  So when we wrapped up the session (it took about and hour) I immediately went and picked up Hayden and just loved on him as much as he would let me.  I realized just how lucky I am to have Hayden here healthy, happy, and active!  He is just such a blessing to me and Brooks and everyone he meets for that matter. He is the love of my life and I just thank God he is ok. Life is just so fragile and I learned that day to NEVER take ANYTHING for granted! I know in my heart that God sends the babies in HIS time not ours and we are not sure why this lil boy's life was ended before it began but there has to be a reason. There just has to be!  The babies name was Tevin and he grew wings and flew up to heaven on Friday, April 16 at or around 830. God bless his family and ours.